Letter from Mama
My Mama
There I was cleaning out the Element…how does a car with rubber floors get this dirty???? I’ve been purging everything in the house too lately, so I began to go through the car. In the glove compartment I found close to 100 Wendy’s napkins for those unplanned spills, about 10 pair of sunglasses, a half eaten bagel…what is up with that??? But I also found something I had tucked away for a rainy day…I remember thinking at the time…one day I will find this, just when I need it the most. It was a thank you card from my dear Mama. Apparently she wrote this after she had been at Oakmont Nursing Home for a couple of years…she remained there 2 1/2 more years, and then died there June 5th of this year…with Daddy, me, my brother and our priest by her side. About a year before she died, she lost most of her ability to communicate…could hardly write or speak…her eyes too stayed closed much of the time because of complications to Parkinson’s.
Here’s what she wrote:
“Dearest Monnie,
Thanks so much for all the support you have given to your father and me. You are very special to us. I don’t know what we would do without you, Eddie (my brother) and Jeanette (his wife). The boys are very special (Brandon, Dylan and Jesse, my nephews) – I miss them so much — I hope they realize how much it means to me for them to help Papa at home. I love you.”
I just sat there staring at the card, thinking…this is the last real letter/card I received from her. And I was amazed at how grateful she still was for all that we did for her when she was going through hell.
If I could write her one more letter…here is what I would write…
“You are welcome my sweet Mama..I would do it all over again, of course. Sometimes I wish we could go back…but that is impossible. I hope you know what a gift it was to help you and how much I enjoyed taking you out for ice cream, and coffee…and pushing you around in your wheelchair through Target and Wal Mart…leaving a trail of clothes racks on the ground…remember that? How much fun did we have!!! Or our weekly dinner out at Ruby Tuesday’s…you absolutely loved those crab cakes and then that huge chocolate cake…when you could still eat. I pray you are at peace now, but I still miss you every day. And I wish I could hold you right now. I would give up everything in my life, all my wordly possessions, just to see you once more…but that too is impossible. Please come to me in my dreams sometime and tell me you love me…because I get so lonely and sad sometimes. But don’t worry, I really am okay and have so many wonderful people in my life. Plus I’m spending a lot of time with Daddy. We need each other now more than ever. He misses you desperately and still says “hey baby” to you when he opens the door upon returning home from work. You were the most special person we have ever known. I just wanted to make sure you knew that Mama, and that I can’t wait to see you again. Until that blessed day…love always, your baby girl.”
August 19th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Monnie - I lost my mother almost a year ago and I can’t tell you how many times I have felt her presence when I needed it most. It comes at the oddest times but always when I could use the words that she knows I need to hear. In a card, a feeling, someone else’s words, but I know they are from Mom.
My father, like yours, was diagnosed with cancer and has undergone Chemo and Radiation but gratefully has been in remission for the past year almost. He has his bumps in the road but he manages.
I have written a letter like you and will place it by her grave when I visit. (They live in Decatur, AL) Thank you for the suggestion, it has really allowed me to say goodbye in a very special way. I was able to visit with her a week before she died but never got to really say goodbye - I never thought I would really have to - so this helps. Thank you, thank you.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
That was wonderful,
I miss my mother everyday and would do everything over again as well. I think we miss our mother so much because if it were not for them we would not be here.They always held us close to their hearts and know so much more about us than we ever will know. I do write my mother and talk to her everyday, I carry her picture with me everywhere.
You are a sweet daughter and remember she is new woman now and will be there waiting for you along side with mine.